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July 2009

Lord's Day Five: Freddie's swansong, Swannie's fredsong

If Graeme Swann never bowls another ball, let him be remembered for that dipping, inswinging off-break which suckered Australian should-be-captain Michael Clarke on the final morning of the Second Test at the Home of Archery.

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Lord's Day Four: Whinge whinge grumble whinge.

Every time Kevin Pietersen miscues a sweep way outside off, every time Mitchell Johnson bowls a perfect line and length to the feet of second slip, every time Ricky Ponting chops the ball onto his stumps when Australia is in trouble, is a time to remember that cricket is a game for human beings. Umpires are human, umpires make mistakes, more mistakes than we care to notice. And just as umpires who make the odd mistake continue to be chosen, so it is with the players themselves.

Masterchef Australia final preview

Poh, Julie, it's down to this. After 7928 episodes, tonight is the Grand Finale. One of you will become Australia's first Masterchef. As a special treat for tonight's bake-off, we're flying you to the United Kingdom for the London Challenge! We're taking you to the Media Centre at Lord's Cricket Ground for one special assignment.

Home of Archery Day Two: Howzat? Out. You have a problem, Ricky?

Captain's knocks, you've gotta love 'em. Andrew Strauss was so deep in concentration, watching intently as the swinging ball from Mitchell Johnson took his off stump, no addition to his overnight 161.

Lord's Day One: The stumps are that-a-way, Mitch

Is The World's Second-Best Test All-Rounder (And Third Best Bowler) all washed up? Is his mum a mole (spelling correct) for the England and Wales Cricket Board? Is his karate-ka WAG up for the chop? How else can we explain the worst Australian performance at the Home of Archery since the days of Great Hedley Verity Sticky? Or are Ricky Ponting's captaincy skills to blame for everything?

Great opening lines to comic literature. Today: Peter Garrett

Press release just in from Peter Garrett's office, starting with the funniest opening sentence since "Call me Ishmael":

"Highlighting the Australian Government’s commitment to world best practice environmental standards, a uranium mine in South Australia has been approved subject to strict approval conditions which will ensure no credible risk to the environment."

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